‘In life you never know who is tested with what. You look at someone and play down on their troubles; you look at another and feel their troubles. But you never know in this life who has learned what.’
Judgement is one of the first steps to be dealt with in this journey, and what I like to call a tightrope; since the ability to love oneself is what lies behind judgement. From my personal observations, the more we are unable to love ourselves, the more judgemental we become of everything around us. The topic of ‘Judgement’ was a personal interest of mine during my life coaching training. I became aware of the most simple judgments I had been making after I learned that judging is something that is very against human nature. The very moment we achieve this sense of awareness is when we start moving away from that action. The more we achieve a sense of awareness in any given topic, we should know that we are indeed on the right track.
We may not get on well with every single person we meet or see. Right at that moment, judgement takes over and we think; ‘What a cold person’, ‘But she’s too outgoing’, ‘He definitely must have some issues’ or simply ‘This guy is just no good’, or ‘Blondes are dumb’. The judgements we make of our own selves: ‘I’ve been blabbering on and on, I should just cut it short’ (when you actually say this, believe me that everyone will immediately start paying attention to how much you talk), ‘I’ll gain weight if I quit smoking’, ‘Everything makes me fat’… Or in relationships, ‘He should call me first’; what does it matter? Are we supposed to feel valued when he makes the first call? We must firstly believe that we are indeed worthy, and then we would stop having such expectations. Our fears are also one of the things that pave the way for passing judgements on ourselves.
Coming across or communicating with someone we are not on the same wavelength with or drawn to, this does not give us a right to be biased. Judgement is something that brainwashes us which we need to remove from every part of our lives. The judgement we pass without knowing right from wrong will only lead us to the wrong track. We must not pass judgment on what we have not seen, heard, or experienced; we must not pass judgement at all. But of course, not everything is necessarily a judgement; we could simply make comment rather than make judgement.
The more we pass judgement on things or people, just know that we are truly judging our own selves. Take a look around yourself: anyone who is displeased or dissatisfied about something will make the same judgment of the opposite side. Let’s not let our egos get the best of us. Let’s just love ourselves and project this love onto others because the more we love ourselves, the more we are able to spread it and stop making judgements. The thoughts we have imposed on our subconscious will also stir up self-judgement.
Making choices is a birthright granted on us. Don’t be afraid of getting to know different types of people, and allow yourself to make your own choices and decisions (I will deal with this issue further in my article on relationships and trust). Choosing, and knowing how to choose, will establish a comfort zone in our lives. Being able to make a choice allows us to reject having to agree with everything that is thrown our way, teaching us the art of saying ‘no’. Judgement overcrowds the mind; and it is important to get rid of mental pollution. Not only is judging not a part of human nature, it also reduces our quality of comprehending. There is no place for ‘judgement’ in human nature; because judgement will exhaust us and we humans basically don’t like to be exhausted. The more we extend the limits of our minds and set our inner selves free, the more we are able to get intimate with our feelings and draw away from our judgements. Our dreams will only grow to the extent that we live having a deeper sense of our inner selves. Whatever it is that we embrace, or dream of; that is what is likely to happen.
onyargi
In order to change your prejudices that turn your life upside down, what you usually need to do is become more conscious. ‘Consciousness’ plays an essential role in this phase as it does in every part of life. We can simply stop new ‘judgements’ from emerging by not believing in everything we hear, and by questioning what we have seen and heard. Therefore, we must listen to our inner voice and focus on what we would like to do. We must believe in our own selves. That way, we may expect a happier, more free and successful life.
With Love,
Zeynep Irem Caglar
International Certified Life Coach
Asro-Shera